The First Trimester
*Please note that this is an account of MY personal journey whilst pregnant with my first child. Please be discerning. Everyone has a completely unique experience.*
The first trimester of pregnancy is known as Week 1 (being the first day of your last menstrual cycle) to the end of Week 12.
The first month that we tried, I had a VERY strong feeling I was pregnant. I’m very in tune with my body and after tracking my menstrual cycle every single day for four years, I have noticed specific themes that arise with each season. And this cycle was just *different*. For example, as I came in to what would’ve been my pre-menstrual time instead of eating everything in sight like I normally do, I woke up one morning unable to even think about cooking my beloved porridge. I had lost much of my appetite for particular foods, except carbs haha. One day I had a huge afternoon nap and when I woke up I downloaded the Uber Eats App to try and get Grill’d Chips delivered to my house. I was absolutely outraged when I found out they didn’t deliver to our area. The yearning was so strong that I got in my car in my best bogan trackies and matching hoodie, walked in to Grill’d straight to the counter “chips please”. I’ll never forget the lady behind the counter looking back at me, in my state, knowing that this was “one of those situations” she replied “large?”. And there I was at Grill’d on a weekday at 4pm, smashing down a large chips with no qualms, I was HAPPY AF.
“Do I have a belly yet?!!!!!!”
I also vividly remember showering at this time, feeling my belly look and feel a different way. My period is super regular so the night after the day it was ‘supposed to’ arrive, we were driving to get THE TEST. Feelings were confirmed with two positive tests at home + at the doctor a couple of days later. One day we didn’t know, the next the doctor was looking at us saying “yes and you’re five weeks pregnant now’”. It all felt surreal. We were on a high and felt like the luckiest people in the entire world, it was and still is the most amazing feeling to know that a little soul had chosen US.
The first person I told was my sis, I gave her no warning just, “you ready to be an Aunty?” I think she spent the whole rest of that day crying. It felt super sacred so we decided we would only tell a few close friends + family within that first trimester.
THE SECRET
It was all SO exciting and amazing but I found the first trimester quite isolating, lonely and confusing at times, too, as well as quite exhausting. It was really strange to be walking around acting normal in the world, when in fact nothing was normal THE BIGGEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME WAS HAPPENING. It was a huge identity shift. I found myself withdrawing (even more) from social interactions. I was drawn to spending more time with those that were in on the ‘secret’ and less with anyone who didn’t know, really.
This is where it gets really hard when you have intuitive friends;
“How are you mandy?”
“Yeah good, really good”
“And…”
“Good ! Super good”
“And….???!!”
I knew that many of my friends knew something was up and many of them even guessed it because they know me so well and could just *feel* my energy had changed.
Lots of time in tri one was on the couch or in bed :)
TO-THE-BONE TIRED
It was the middle of Winter, I found myself just wanting to curl up in bed most of the time. Doing meditations, sleeping or just staring in to the cosmos. I just wanted to be with my body & this new little life!! I became disinterested in work and adopted this kinda ‘cbf attitude’ which was hard for me to come to terms with given up until that point I had always been SO LIT UP by my work.
Thank God for working from home, for naps and for YOGA NIDRA (pssst - if you haven’t already, you can receive a free guided yoga nidra from yours truly when you sign up for my email list here)
DOING “THE WORK”
Old patterns, outdated beliefs and childhood trauma all arose in trimester one. Hence why I had the support squad. My ego wasn’t keen on doing this healing “I’ve done enough of this already”, etc. But my Soul knew it was about a new level of embodiment and transformation. It was about clearing anything out that I needed to, to become the Mother my baby had come for. I got the sense very early that this baby was not going to let me off the hook anywhere. So down the rabbit hole I went, in to my deepest and darkest shadows.
“WHEN A WOMAN IS PREGNANT SHE WILL NOT ONLY GROW THE BABY INSIDE HER SHE WILL ALSO GROW IN TO THE MOTHER THE BABY HAS COME FOR” ~ JANE HARDWICKE-COLLINGS
For me personally, a real theme emerged in this pregnancy with connecting to what I can only describe as a LIONESS energy. I was pushed significantly to grow in to qualities like strength, courage, confidence, bravery, self assurance and the spirit of the Warrior.
Those who know me will know I’m quite comfortable in my softness. I’m highly sensitive, gooey, emotional, a lover, a huge ‘softy’. So it makes sense to me why my personal journey at this stage of life has been to cultivate more of a connection with my lioness energy. I am no doubt going to need it to be an empowered Mother in this day and age.
I have heard other women’s stories of pregnancy growing them more so in to for example their softness, strength, or their resilience or spirituality or their body. Of course there is aspects of all and it is truly hard to even put in to words the ‘all’ that is this journey ! The Universe has a divine plan for each one of us in allowing whatever deeper embodiment is required for the Mother’s own soul journey and for that of the baby. And indeed the Highest Good of both. And all…
YEARNING THE VILLAGE
I had a deep yearning to just sit & be with women who were also experiencing the same thing but I just couldn’t find it. I was googling “pregnancy circles” & “mama circles” in my area but couldn’t find anything. A reverence for the psychological, emotional and spiritual undertaking of pregnancy is really missing in our culture. The whole process has become so medicalised and robotic, which is why I sought out anything I could which spoke to the energetic process, I was hungry for it!
A NEW PASSION IS BORN…
I quickly became OBSESSED with pregnancy and birth. I sensed that a new passion/purpose for my life being born in that I would one day serve by supporting other women through this process. The information I was gobbling up about natural birth felt like a remembering.
I was down an absolute rabbit hole!!! I really did take it upon myself to get as informed as possible but as I said I found a new passion, I loved it!! Watching birth videos, reading, researching, etc.
I was SO excited for birth, throughout my pregnancy. I know some people will read this and laugh or not believe me, but it’s true. Of course I had my fair share of collective conditioning to let go of around birth but within myself, I was EXCITED to experience birth right from conception.
BOOKS
There is so much out there, notice what you are drawn to... Less was more for me, these were the key books I loved and came back to over and over again during my pregnancy:
Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin
Ten Moons by Jane Harwicke Collings
Birth with Confidence by Rhea Dempsey
The First Forty Days by Zuo Yuezi
ENTER: MY DREAM DOULA
At about six weeks I first met with a doula. I had researched doulas and really felt I needed that extra support, I was yearning for someone, anyone to talk to on that level of cosmic/energetic/spiritual holy shit so much is going on. From our first meeting I knew this was exactly what I was looking for. I will never forget when she looked me in the eye and said “Amanda...we birth babies the way we make babies.” Ooooft. It hit every part of me, I knew this was the truth and was the truth I wanted for my birth.
I met with my doula at every full moon throughout my pregnancy. Sessions started with a meditation and then delved in to how I was feeling emotionally/physically/mentally/spiritually, we explored natural birth and she helped me to release any blocks that arrived. In my first session she said welcome to your PhD in birth !
BIZ VS. BABY
But then I had a choice to make, as working with a doula was a significant investment, especially monthly which was what my mind, body & soul so desired ! I found myself at a crossroads because for several months prior I had been saving every cent and was booked in to start working with an amazing business coach. I had been dreaming of taking my whole business to the next level. The few grand I needed to work with this coach matched working with my doula. It took me a few days to rearrange, it felt very symbolic in many ways because a big thing that came up for me throughout pregnancy was biz vs. baby.
I started my business in 2014 and it had always been my ‘baby’ in many ways. The new energy of an actual baby at times felt like I was abandoning my biz baby. It was a huge letting go and humbling experience for me. I was very much in between two worlds and felt pulled between the “old me” as the Maiden and “new me” as a Mother emerging.
After a few days of soul searching and intuitive listening I made the decision to cancel my upcoming business coaching and say yes to the support of my doula. Even so, it took me months to find full peace with this decision as I kept going over ‘the what ifs’ and constantly shedding parts of my ego around my business. It was an expectations vs. reality situation, I was course correcting and surrendering to what was actually present, because at the start of the year I had no idea this would all be happening so soon! What I actually realised was that it didn’t need to be biz VERSUS baby, one or the other, all or nothing. “You can have everything you want, you can do everything, just not all at once.”
Trimester One getting that support squad happening was most important as well as tailoring my work to include whatever rest and nourishment I needed. Trimester Two showed me just how much my biz could thrive during pregnancy.
FEMME FRIDAY
Speaking of biz, my national tour of Femme Friday was scheduled for the month of September, weeks 8-12 of my pregnancy. I toured Perth, Geelong, Sunshine Coast and Mornington with my women’s only dance extravaganza during this time. Again, self care and enlisting support was paramount to pulling this off! Daytime naps were a given. And couldn’t have done it without my backstage hero, Matt! He even joined me for the Geelong & Sunshine Coast legs, helping with set up, the pre game support and the post game celebrations - my hero. Again, can do everything, just not at once. All my self care went to the next level to make sure I was tippy-top at show time each week.
THE “PREGGAZ MELTDOWNS”
Reminiscent of a PMS meltdown, on steroids. I experienced these throughout pregnancy ! The first time I witnessed it, it wasn’t til after where I clicked “oooo, was that the ‘hormones’ they speak of?” Haha. I noticed that most often they would be due to being tired, hungry or horny! But sometimes indeed it was an emotion that was yearning to be felt. Perhaps something to be healed or released. I really see pregnancy as an awakening so for me this was another tell-tale awakening sign ~ all part of the unravelling and the transformation.
CRAVINGS
Vegemite + butter toast. Orange juice. Grill’d chips + burger. Hot chips in general. Pizza. Carbs in general.
VISIONS OF BIRTHING AT HOME
From early conception, I started having visions of me birthing my baby at home, in my space. I got the goosebumps, the feeling, that this would be my dream to create. I even told my doula at first meeting that this was my plan, to which she said to me, “wow, I’m really impressed when a first time birther wants to birth at home, it normally takes someone to have a traumatic experience to then choose homebirth”. I told her I just had a sense but that there were a few hoops to jump through. For one, I knew my partner was keen on the hospital and I also knew birthing at home was going to be a huge investment. More on this in Trimester Two blog.
Just after the 12 week scan - so happy & grateful!
THE FIRST SCAN: 12 WEEKS
I remember the car trip up to Melbourne for that scan, it felt like every minute was an hour. I was so excited, nervous, anxious, all the things. It was such a surreal moment, one I’ve seen on movies, TV shows countless times… and then there we were, it was our turn.
All of a sudden the image came on the screen and there was our babe! 10 fingers, 10 toes and all tracking normal and healthy. Heart explosions and hand squeezes with my partner that I will never forget. We were becoming a ‘family’ and it was the best feeling in the World.
